


Broken

by shynonymous



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 12:10:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3289859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shynonymous/pseuds/shynonymous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin is a broken man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my tumblr but now I can finally post it here. :)

Erwin was a broken man.

This was a thought he had had before but now the conviction plagued him. He knew not many people looked to him as a man of integrity but as a callous and cold man. Outsiders’ opinions of him meant nothing so long as his comrades stood with him with trust and understanding.

But he was broken.

How can he expect others to follow him? How could he guide them to a world of peace when he was internally in chaos? Perhaps the people were right. He had led a countless number, too many, to their deaths under a promise of future security and serenity. It was what he truly wanted and a hope he still wished to give to the people no matter what they thought. Something in him, maybe it was the pragmatist in him, still had hope for mankind despite his own shortcomings.

Shortcomings.

He was a broken man.

Erwin released a heavy breath as he stared out the window. The walls were never far enough. While inside the walls he was caged from all the world could offer and while out scouting the danger almost made him wish he hadn't left that seemingly safe enclosure. But those walls weren't safe. They were just temporary shields that reminded him why he ventured out the walls and why he fought and risked not only his life but others too. All the soldiers who willingly followed him for the same hope that one day when those walls wouldn't be needed. Erwin knew the fallen soldiers had served him of their own volition but guilt was stronger than those walls.

It was the first crack in the broken man.

Erwin returned to his chair from where he had first been while feigning as if he had been listening the entire time.

“I’ll take care of it. You are dismissed.”

The young soldier saluted and left. They get younger and younger Erwin found himself thinking. He heard a throat being cleared. Awakening from his mentation Erwin avoided the captain sitting on the couch kept in his office for those long, late nights.

“Did you even hear what he went on and on about?”

“Of course I did,” Erwin lied.

Grabbing several papers to look over, he mentally reproached himself for his own lack of professionalism knowing that he didn't have the time for self-pity.

“Uh-huh,” he heard in return.

“Is there something you need? If not, you are dismissed as well.”

Erwin hated the tone he unintentionally used not expecting to sound so harsh and feeling worse when the captain walked out without another word. He let the papers fall out of his hands back onto the desk releasing another heavy sigh.

There were not many Erwin allowed to get close and even fewer he trusted but Captain Levi was of those few. Erwin had something of a smile come across his lips remembering how they met and how far they had come since that rough beginning. The fact that Levi had gone from wanting to kill him to his ally was astonishing and that Erwin trusted him as well was even more so. Being short with Levi was never what Erwin wanted but the man he is today is not who he was when he first met Levi. It wasn't fair, Erwin knew, but pushing Levi away was for the best.

Erwin was a broken man.

They had danced around each other for a while now; glances that lingered a little too long, remaining near each other when it wasn't necessary, awkward moments that meant more than they should have. The change in their relationship, or whatever it was to be called, had occurred gradually and without resistance. Their positions in life required trust, respect and understanding. By no means was Levi his flunky or pet but Erwin liked that he could expect and trust Levi to obey his commands without question, without doubt. But acting on any feelings had never arisen. Now, Erwin knew, he never could. Levi could trust and follow him as a commander but not as a man.

Erwin was a broken man.

The setting sun had now disappeared as another long night awaited Erwin. He found relief in his work. Plans needed to be drafted, papers signed and so on and so on. Anything to distract from pesky thoughts. Several hours had passed and still the work seemed never ending. It was well past midnight and sleep and the couch were enticing but Erwin needed to continue. What else could he offer the people if not his time and constant attention? It was the least he felt he could do.

Another hour had passed before Erwin allowed himself a moment of repose. He let his head fall back and rest against the chair and his eyes to close. He could hear his heart pumping in his ears, a lulling rhythmic beat that calmed him. Telling himself to return to work was the last thought before succumbing to sleep. But even his dreams didn't free him.

Erwin was a broken man.

Titans were everywhere. He was surrounded. He could hear the screams of his soldiers as they were devoured. The haze was thick and visibility near zero. He didn't want to see his comrades die though he knew he deserved to be haunted by those images. He galloped on his horse passing lifeless bodies and some mere body parts. He didn't know what direction he was headed or where he was going but his horse continued on. The screams ceased but another equally terrifying noise took its place. It was hard to miss the sound of a titan’s thundering footstep. It was close he knew despite the lack of visibility as the ground began to quake. He could feel his whole body shake as he waited for the rapacious human-like beast to come in to view. In an instant it was before him with its hands trying to grab at him and causing Erwin the tremble as he heard it call out,

“Erwin.”

His body jerked and his eyes opened.

“Erwin,” he heard again.

Levi was gently shaking him from his slumber. Erwin lifted his head realizing that none of it was real but remembering everything vividly. The dream may not have been real but it wasn't a far cry from the experiences on an expedition.

Erwin was a broken man.

Levi removed his hands placing them crossed against his chest. “You shouldn't sleep in here. If you do at least lie on the couch,” Levi scolded.

Erwin only returned a grunt.

“Come on. Get up,” Levi instructed with Erwin following his captain’s orders, stretching then following him to the couch. With his legs still hanging over the couch he reclined allowing his head to fall on to the armrest using his arm to cover his closed eyes. With what little room left from the taller man’s recumbent position Levi sat crossing one leg over the other ankle to knee and arms outstretched one on the arm rest and the other along the back of the couch.

They had now fallen into a comfortable silence. There weren't many either could endure in this kind of atmosphere but with each other this was not uncommon or unwelcomed. Breathing was the only thing audible in the hush but when Erwin interrupted the silence his voice though low was like a blast.

“I’m sorry, Levi.”

Levi turned his head toward the man knowing his face was covered but stared nonetheless. “What?”

“I’m sorry.”

Levi adjusted his position shifting so as both feet were planted on the floor and bringing his elbows down to his knees. “Are you talking in your sleep?”

A sigh was his reply.

“Whatever you think you need to apologize for, don’t. I don’t want it.” Levi’s voice stern.

Time, a moment, passed in quiet before Erwin spoke again. “I’m broken.”

There was no response and after several more seconds Erwin removed his arm lifting his head to check if Levi even heard him and found the man staring at him. His face was expressionless and Erwin returned his head to the arm rest.

“What shit are you spewing?”

“It’s not shit,” declared Erwin bitterly.

“Then prove me wrong,” Levi challenged. “Explain yourself.”

When he made no reply, no answers, Levi huffed accepting his silence as validation. “You can quit with that self-pity crap too. You won’t get sympathy from me.” His tone was demanding unlike his usual manner of speaking to his superior.

Erwin was unfazed by his captain’s tone while continuing in his own with acrimony. “No compassion,” Erwin accused coolly. He felt Levi move, to stand no doubt as the couch felt lighter, and just from the sounds of his movements and manner of huffing Erwin knew the other was annoyed.

“Go to sleep,” Levi ordered his commander.

The footsteps heading toward the door stopped when Erwin began again,

“You don’t understand. The higher-ups are constantly threatening to end the corps. I’m grasping at air to keep the legion going. Families, people, hate me for sending their loved ones in to battle. I can’t even fight alongside my soldiers anymore,” Erwin paused rubbing the stump that is now his right arm. “I’m broken in every way.”

Erwin hadn't heard Levi draw closer as he spoke but when he replied Erwin knew he was near.

“You push yourself too hard. You’re tired,” he began. “Those pigs don’t realize this legion protects them as they sit in their comfortable positions hiding behind the walls. All the fallen soldiers died for them, for everyone, for the cause. They followed you willingly.” Levi was never one for consoling and the end to his objection reaffirmed that. “You've always known these things and still you dwell. As for that broken shit, you are the only one who thinks like that. Self-pity isn't becoming on you.”

His voice throughout the speech had shifted from soothing to its usual unaffected tone and oddly Erwin found some relief from just that.

“Where did you learn to comfort people?” Erwin mockingly asked with a small chuckle.

Everything Levi said Erwin already knew but to hear Levi reassure him, to vindicate him was what Erwin needed, wanted. To know others didn't see him as broken was gratifying but knowing Levi thought no less of him was even more satisfying. However, the thought that he and Levi could never be more remained and Erwin was forced to accept it graciously.

“Thank you, Levi.”

“Don’t be weird.” Levi ridiculed his commander.

“Not good with emotionalism?” Erwin asked continuing to taunt his captain. “Does humanity’s strongest soldier hate things that are touchy-feely?” His slightly altered voice proved there to be a teasing smile on his face.

Levi rolled his eyes emitting a sound that showed his reprehension while adding under his breath, “I have something for you to touch and feel.”

Erwin lifted his head, surprised, arching an eyebrow at his captain. “What was that, captain?”

With little light in the room his eyes readjusted easily to the dimness to see Levi continued to stare forward but what expression he held Erwin couldn't determine. He heard a low swear word from the other and Levi with his agility maneuvered effectively to straddle Erwin.

“If I wait for you I’ll turn into an old man, like you.”

Shock was an understatement to Erwin as he gawked up at the man and despite how much he wanted this too he felt unsure.

“We can’t, Levi. I can’t.” Levi stared down at him obviously waiting for an explanation or excuse. “This isn't how I wanted it to be. I can’t hold you like this.”

“Why?” Levi asked grinding himself against Erwin’s crotch. “Did something else get severed too?”

Erwin knew Levi was forward and even crude but he had hoped, though he wasn't surprised, that in this situation he would have a bit of gentility. Despite that Erwin couldn't suppress the small moan escaping from him.

“I meant I can’t hold you in my arms,” Erwin confessed honestly. He knew Levi understood and in a way that was only Levi’s mannerism he managed to show care through coarseness.

“You still have a good arm so make good work of that hand.”

Levi had already begun to unbutton the other’s shirt but Erwin was still diffident about the situation only allowing his hand to rest on Levi’s thigh. Leaning down Levi brought his lips close to Erwin’s,  
“If you want me to stop you’ll have to order me, commander.”

Erwin had before him ambiguous temptation; the enticement that is Levi or the chance to end all this. The former he wanted in more ways than physical, despite their current position, and the latter was an opportunity to salvage their professional integrity. But he knew they had already crossed that line long ago before anything was ever said or done.

Erwin lifted his head closing the gap and sealing their lips. He felt the other’s skillful hands caress over his chest and this act alone drove Erwin into ecstasy. Levi’s hands were touching him in ways he had only ever fantasized about and those fantasies were not even close to how good the real thing was. After another long kiss of their tongues dancing Levi trailed his mouth down Erwin’s neck making new use of his tongue while his hands slowly fondled down his body. His mouth found a pressure point and he sucked there feeling Erwin’s beating heart race and his breath quicken.

Erwin had placed his hand on Levi’s back during the last kiss and was now streaming down seizing a handful of the smaller man’s prat. He felt hot breath on his neck when he grabbed the other along with a faint moan before the mouth went back to work. Levi placed open mouthed kisses down as far as he could before sitting back up in full straddle.

“Strip down,” Erwin instructed.

Levi raised himself off making quick work of removing his clothing. Having gone on many expeditions together they had seen each other’s naked bodies but this was different and Erwin couldn't look away. Levi’s body was something he had memorized being a small but muscular physique that was the epitome of nimbleness. Completely undressed Levi crawled up between Erwin’s legs placing himself above Erwin going for his mouth again.

“You act like you have never seen my body before,” Levi called him out.

“I was never able to touch you before.” Erwin softly traced his fingers along the length of Levi’s side and the man shivered at his touch.

Another kiss to the mouth and a new trail began down Erwin’s body that only ended at his white pants. Levi undid the fastener releasing the man’s hardened penis from its restraint. With a firm hand Levi took hold of the base and without hesitation, without wait, proceeded to take the phallus in his mouth. A heavy breath fell from Erwin when Levi lapped at the tip then engulfed the head swirling his tongue and finally swallowing him completely.

As Levi worked him Erwin could tell that he was inexperienced with this action but Erwin had learned a couple of things, especially with Levi; he knew that it wasn't just how the person gave you pleasure but that it was a pleasure to be with that person and Erwin also knew Levi was a fast learner. With every hiss, every labored breath, moan and appreciative murmur from Erwin Levi would adjust to those pleasing movements and repeat them. Soon, Erwin wasn't ashamed to admit, he was ready for release. As his body gave signs that climax was near Levi pulled away.

“Not without me,” he informed returning to his original straddled position.

Erwin heaved and groaned with a need to expel.

“Then stretch me quickly,” Levi continued in a low but teasing tone.

This temporarily brought Erwin down from his high. “Levi, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m still clumsy with my left.”

Levi let out a small chuckle aware of Erwin’s hard times trying to learn everything anew. Erwin squeezed his thigh to signal a cease but didn't regard his teasing seriously. “I don’t have any oil.”

Levi lifted Erwin’s hand to his mouth slipping in the middle digit and sucking. He added the pointer finger sucking lewdly before adding the ring finger giving them as much attention as he had given another appendage. Erwin stared on in awe as Levi salivated and dribbled over his fingers not finding the act disgusting but arousing knowing that Levi wanted it as bad as he did. Levi released Erwin’s fingers from his lips to guide Erwin’s hand to his own backside and to the cavity. Erwin easily managed a single digit inside though fumbling once within. Levi was patient but didn't hold back when it felt good directing Erwin with each satisfied moan.

“Put in another,” Levi implored. Again the positioning made it difficult as Erwin wasn't yet accustomed to his left but adjusted to add another finger attempting to stretch him by a scissor movement. A few effortful thrust more had Levi shallowly whimpering and was soon demanding another finger. Erwin was happy to oblige him finding the third digit easier to accommodate and the pressure on his wrist a little relieved as Levi began to move himself controlling his pleasure. Erwin was taken by the sight but Levi’s motions caused a distracting delightful friction between their bodies.

“Erwin,” he heard meeting Levi’s heavy-lidded eyes. “I want more.” Levi’s voice sounded needy, desperate, and lustful.

Erwin bit down on his lower lip eyeing the tempter above him.

“Erwin,” his voice was practically begging in a manner unlike the usual Levi.

Erwin gave a devilish smile enjoying this side of Levi he had not seen before. “Then do it,” he offered, his voice low and thick from arousal.

Withdrawal of his hand was gently assisted by both as Levi hissed at the emptiness he so wanted to be filled. Without further delay Levi took Erwin’s penis in his hand giving several strokes before positioning himself above and then finally on it. Having no claim to lubrication Levi lowered himself slow, so painstakingly slow. Erwin watched on as his lover ached to please both while only able to offer a massage to his thigh and soft words. After the need to stop and wait several times Levi was finally fully filled but any prompt movements were impossible. Erwin continued to give care as he waited knowing that Levi needed to time to grow accustomed to the stretch. His erection was painfully hard but he knew Levi’s pain was worse.

A low swear word came from Levi after nearly a minute as he attempted to move.

“You don’t have to push yourself, Levi.”

His movements were slow and careful yet still seemingly painful. The small motions felt good but Erwin just couldn't obtain full pleasure as he watched Levi struggle to find his own.

“Levi,” Erwin said his name softly.

“Shut up. I just need a little more,” Levi managed to mutter.

Erwin placed his hand on Levi’s hip hoping it helped or encouraged him some way. Eventually the small movements Levi had begun became less strenuous as he began to relax more and then being able to move faster. Erwin was surprised when he heard a low pleasurable moan from him and began to enjoy the act himself. Levi’s little body was working diligently to please and small mouth open letting out moans. His motions sensual as his modest hips were striving to hit that spot.

Erwin released an appreciative groan when Levi came down hard on him emitting a moan unlike the rest as his eyes closed and his head rolled back, and Erwin knew. Levi arched his back trying to replicate the sensation as he moved faster, harder enjoying every thrust. Erwin had been sporadically squeezing his thigh but as Levi was becoming more frantic with his movements he took Levi’s penis in his hand matching each stroke with a thrust. It wasn't long until Levi was a moaning mess and his body was foretelling he was close. Levi moved his body with a few more forceful plunges before the act brought forth his climax causing his fluids to spill out over Erwin, who stroked him to completion.

Levi’s movements had ceased as he tried to regulate his breath with his head hanging down and leaning forward using his arms to keep himself propped up on Erwin.

“Finish,” he managed to say through his labored breath.

Erwin didn't question or doubt the other’s stamina and proceeded to thrust into Levi to release his own need. With each thrust a small mewl came from Levi and squeezed around Erwin helping to reach climax. Erwin knew it wouldn't be much longer. After another firm thrust and with a groan from deep in his throat he came inside Levi.

With both completely spent Levi rested against his chest, their breathing strained and hearts beating rapidly. It was several minutes before either was mindful but Levi had finally found strength to carefully pull off of Erwin.

“Broken, my ass.”

Levi returned to his laying position on Erwin, who rubbed the other’s back and chuckled. He was glad to see Levi wasn't awkward, weird or regretful of what just happened. They lied in silence a while longer as their breathing returned to normal.

“Hey, Erwin,” Levi started.

“Hmm?”

“I sucked you.”

Erwin laughed. “I know. It was good.”

“Whatever. You have to do me next time.”

“With pleasure,” Erwin returned, kissing the other’s forehead.

Levi released an objectionable sound, “Just don’t be weird.”

Erwin laughed but understood his meaning. Moments like this would be rare, Erwin knew, but they are another reason worth fighting for. The threats, whether titan, corrupt officials, or the people, would always be there but fighting for humanity was essential and something he would continue to do. Even if it meant battling himself. But having the legion, his comrades, and Levi he could beat anything.


End file.
